"What's Holding You Back?"
That's the caption on this month's issue of Oprah magazine. It's been sitting on my coffee table for a week now, but the message didn't hit home for me until last night, when I got home from an hour long discussion with my voice teacher. I've been floating about with no plan for a while now, and I am a person who finds security in planning. I've asked myself questions and reached out to others for advice. My future is finally becoming more clear, but achieving my goals is going to take patience and commitment. More importantly, I am going to have to adopt a new view of myself and conquer fears I have had for over a decade. What I am talking about is becoming a music teacher: the very goal I had when I graduated high school almost ten years ago. What held me back? A number of things. Ironically, the knowledge that teachers "don't make any money" was my excuse back then. Now, I'm breaking my back as a housekeeper, so the idea of becoming a music teacher seems almost glamorous. Looking back, the real reason I shied away from the profession was a fear of failure. Also, when it comes to teaching, I realize I have formed my opinions solely on the basis of negative stories I heard from friends and family. For example, I remember my dad talking of being a high school substitute teacher and getting his lunch stolen off his desk. It also doesn't help that I am the wife of a music teacher, so I hear all of his grumblings about not being listened to and not getting paid enough. My own limited experiences have been profoundly rewarding, and I know now that putting my energy into learning the skills I need to become a better teacher will lead me to where I want to be. Moreover, stepping into the role of teacher will provide me an important opportunity to learn to trust and value myself and to recognize that I truly do have something to give. Now for the hard part: taking the leap - biting the bullet of stress and debt and time by going back to school for music education classes, better piano skills, and a teaching credential. The big question in my mind right now: can I do it? Schools all over California are impacted and the odds of getting into a program are slim. Also, Matt is still in school for two more years and our financial state is the worst it has ever been. Still, I have to try. I see music teaching positions advertised on Craigslist all the time but I lack the necessary skills and credentials. So, here goes nothin'.
