Life is so very, very strange.
Last week, I found myself telling my friend that, at the moment, I had no desire to do anything with singing. I have been keeping myself busy with work and homemaking, which leaves me physically exhausted at the end of the day. I should have realized I was avoiding something big- especially when I found myself going to buy a bed frame from IKEA at 7 PM on a Sunday night. I mean, now I have a bed frame, but did I really have to do it right then, during the last few hours of my day off? My apartment is cleaner and better organized than it has ever been, and this is a direct result of my need to keep moving, lest I actually stop to think and WHAT'S THIS? Sinking feeling in pit of stomach? Hmmm...better vacuum. In any case, today I want to thank the Universe for giving me a hand in the form of my employer asking about singing lessons for her daughter. The incredible rush I felt at hearing the first words of the unexpected inquiry clued me in to something I have known for a long time: I actually do want to teach. The truly strange thing was that just the night before, I found myself sitting around, flipping through music books, turning the TV on and off, totally bored out of my mind, thinking "Something big is missing from my life." DING! There it is. I want to be a voice teacher. Teaching singing lessons will allow me to use my degree in a very direct way to make money doing what I love. So, why has it been almost a year without me pursuing this dream? I think it comes down to me telling myself "I can't" over and over and over. I have been telling myself I can't teach singing because I can't play the piano very well, because I have only been singing for four years, because I have next to no teaching experience, because I am just no good and why on earth would anybody want to learn anything from a sucky lady like me? Well, I have a thing or two to say in response to those imaginary people's comments. First of all, Hello! I have a degree in vocal performance. Secondly, despite my small number of years singing, I have a wide range of performance experience under my belt, including singing in a Greek theatre IN GREECE. Also, it is important to bring to mind how little I knew about singing and performing when I began four years ago. I had no idea how to use my head voice at all and didn't even have a full octave range! Now, I can sing over two octaves. And as for me being a "no good, sucky lady?" Well, for once in my life, I truly believe that I am worth something. I am GOOD, and I am good at things, one of which is singing. That's not to say I couldn't improve in a few areas - we all have room for improvement. After all, what would life be if we reached perfection in our mid twenties? Anyhow, that is my point. I am not done learning. I am not done challenging myself, or dreaming, or making goals for myself. If learning to play the piano is the only thing stopping me from becoming a voice teacher, it is clear what I must do. Oh boy, I am really going to say this...I will learn to play the piano. Notice I didn't say "I need to" or "I should really." No, I am going to do this, and it is going to be hard work, but I know it will be worth it. Now, to find a piano teacher!
